Are you getting that itch to be in flip flops and do some grilling? Me too! I love that summer is fast approaching, though I must admit, I keep wondering where the time goes.
In this issue: Tips on How to Handle Electronic Communication and Social Media in Relationships and a great SEX book recommendation for women by Dr. Laura Berman.
Tools & Tips: Social Media, Email & Texting in Relationships
In this digital age, communication with our partners is often done via text, email, instant messaging or through Facebook. In my practice, I can't tell you how often I hear complaints about a text message being misunderstood or a correspondence with a "friend" on Facebook raising jealousy issues. How should we be handling all this digital communication? Follow these rules and your communication should go more smoothly:
1. Don't have long, emotional or tricky conversations via instant message or text. I know, I know, I hear you say.."But we talk so well when we're texting..." It feels to me like the equivalent of saying, "I drive just fine after 7 beers..." We communicate between 80 to 90% non-verbally through our tone and facial expressions. Something can land very differently when we hear or see it as opposed to reading it. Also, when we're texting or IMing, we shorten phrases. In difficult conversations, sometimes we need to say a few more words to make it go more smoothly.
2. Be very careful with your status updates on Facebook and who you accept friend invitations from. We can actually ignore friend requests with ex partners or tricky coworkers and the world will not fall apart. Never communicate a dissatisfaction about your partner in a status update. It's just better for your relationship to be more cautious. For more on Facebook and Marriage, see my blog post Should You Be Friends with Your Spouse on Facebook?.
3. Make sure you know how much your partner can email during his or her work day. Sometimes our partners just have to ignore us because s/he is swamped with work or their boss is watching over their shoulder. Don't send urgent communication or an apology about being a jerk that morning via email with the expectation that our partner can get back to us right away.
If you've had any digital communication blunders, send me an email! I'll anonymously include it on a page on my website.
Book Recommendation: It's Not Him, It's You!
Recently I discovered Dr. Laura Berman's show "Sexual Healing" on Showtime. You can watch it online on Netflix with your membership or rent the episodes. Maybe it's because I'm a therapist, but I LOVE this show. She's a genius at helping couples heal their sexual relationship.
So! I checked out her books. She recently published a book for women called, It's not Him, It's You." It not only includes the usual stuff on having great sex, it also includes ways to not be a drama queen, how to raise your self esteem and better communicate and connect in your relationship - outside the bedroom.
Want Even more Advice on Relationships?
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There's lots to read these days and certainly not enough time to read it all. Tuck this blog away for those times when you really need to read something to get perspective on your relationship.
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Also, I'm offering free articles to those who request them. Articles are entitled: "Communication: Making Your Relationship Work," "Building Closeness in Your Relationship." and
"Affair-Proofing Your Marriage." Stay tuned for future articles on other topics available by request. Click on the following link to get your free articles!
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Request for Endorsements!
If you feel so inclined, it would be great if you all would do a couple of things for me.
1) Take the time to write a brief review of me on my Linked In Profile.
2) Become a fan of my Facebook Page.
3) Send me, via email, a written testimonial on your experience with me that I can post anonymously on my website.
I would deeply appreciate it!
Thank you for sharing this journey in life and love with me.
Karen Holland, LMFT
4155 E. Jewell Avenue, Ste 703
Denver, CO 80222
(720) 210-5452/office & fax
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