Want to protect your relationship from an affair? Follow these Affair Proofing Your Relationship rules to greatly improve your chances.
Affair Proofing Rule #1: STAY CLOSE and keep your relationship fun and fresh!
Loneliness is probably the biggest reason people have affairs. In their relationships, they often don’t feel valued, interesting or attractive to their partner. Contrary to popular belief, both men and women have affairs for emotional reasons, not necessarily sexual. Both are seeking to feel attractive, important and listened to. If one person feels constantly dismissed or rejected by their partner or doesn’t feel valued in the time they do have together, then they’re more vulnerable to seeking outside support or comfort. We all want to feel wanted. Keeping your marriage close by sharing often, cleaning up negative interactions, creating a strong friendship, laughing together and trying new things will go a long way to not only making a strong marriage but protecting it from outside intrusion. See my article on Building and Keeping a Close Relationship for more information.
Affair Proofing Tip #2: FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS AND CONFRONT when you’re gut is signaling you!
The truth is, for most of us, we just get “gut feelings” about our partner either having an affair or acting in ways that could lead up to an affair. We notice when our partners seem distracted. S/he may be dressing a little nicer than usual, coming home later, appearing to do things out of routine, spending more time with or suddenly talking a lot about a “new friend.” You might notice more than usual emailing or texting, especially late at night or early morning or your spouse might appear just a little more secretive than normal. Here’s a checklist of possible indicators of an affair:
1. Your spouse is spending more time away from home than usual (without an obvious explanation)
2. Your spouse is being more critical or starting more arguments, especially about things s/he hasn’t been critical about before.
3.Your spouse seems suddenly less interested in sex.
4.Avoiding contact like taking calls on cell phone or fewer text messages.
5.Talking a lot about a new friend of the opposite sex (or suddenly this friend is always a part of his or her work day).
6. Late night texting, talking or emailing. Spouse also might be more secretive with cell phone or computer. Sleeping with your cell phone or taking it to the bathroom is not normal behavior unless you’re on call for emergencies!
Any of these things or none of these things might be indicators of an affair. But, when this gut signal goes off, we must confront our partners.
See next post for three more critical tips on preventing extramarital affairs in your relationship!
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