Go Ahead, Have an Affair (with your spouse)!

sex with spouse

In the last few months, I've been introduced to the idea by Dr. Diana Kirschner of pretending to have an ongoing affair with your spouse to keep passion alive. I remember she said to me once, when I was complaining about not having time or energy for sex, "Well, what would kind of time and energy would you create if you were having an affair?"

This got my attention. What would I be like? I imagined I would find all kinds of creative ways to sneak in quickies and send steamy texts and be up in the middle of the night for a hot toss in the sheets. Making out would occur naturally and, well, so would lots of other things... So, I tried it out. Yowza! My husband and I took things to a whole new level!

I hear all the time, especially from women, that sex isn't all that important, that they're too tired, too overburdened by chores and work and kids. No doubt; I hear ya people. But, remember how you used to make out with each other? Remember how you couldn't wait to see each other and could stay up all night. Don't you miss that? Wouldn't you want to know how to recreate that from time to time?

Having ongoing passion really is a state of mind. It's about making sex with your spouse playful, a game to be played to keep up the intimacy, fun and the connection. Believe me, suddenly chores get done (or, blown off completely), kids get put to bed and the bedroom becomes alive when you just start pretending that you can't get enough of each other. Pretty soon, it's no longer pretending.

To start, all it takes is one simple steamy text message or note. Or doing something completely different and unexpected. Start flirting with your spouse like you used to. Give compliments and stand in awe when he or she walks in the room. Meet each other in hotel rooms and make out in the back seat of a car. Life is short. Sex is fun. Go do it!

For more thoughts on sex and marriage, see my article on marriage sex.