In order to learn how to initiate sex with your wife, the best thing a man could do is watch the opening scene of Don Juan de Marco (1994). I know, I know! It’s cheesy and perhaps a little over the top. Johnny Depp’s character is in a mask for gosh sakes! But, oh my, men can learn a lot from this scene about a woman’s sexuality. Johnny Depp’s character is commanding, sensual, playful, gentle and attentive in all the right ways. What women want is to be made to feel special, like she is the only woman in the world. She doesn't want to feel like she's an "itch to be scratched.” She wants to be devoured and delighted, taken with confidence and tenderness. A man should build her anticipation and have her wondering with delight, what is he about to do to me?
Preparing to Seduce
Seduction is about connecting to her, making her feel desired and special, and building her desire and anticipation. This means that you can’t just dive straight between her legs (though the occasional picking her up, throwing her over your shoulders and putting her on the bed can definitely shake things up! The element of surprise and subtle aggression can be very arousing). You need to talk to her, pay attention to her needs, and listen as she shares about her day. Rub her feet or her neck while she talks. All of this is helping her feel connected to you. If you’ve been distracted, unhelpful or kind of a jerk all week, your seduction attempt is probably going to fall flat and/or will take more effort and skill.
In order to learn how to initiate sex with your wife, men too need to tap into their confidence and natural assertiveness that comes from years of evolution (remember, you guys were the hunters both for food and for mates). You don’t need to be an extrovert or a macho man. You just need to focus on your “prey.” Let yourself be aroused by the way she moves and smells. Notice just how beautiful and unique she is. Know in your gut that you can delight her and make her so very happy just with your careful, loving attention. I can promise that if you at least start there in your mind, you will already be further along than starting from the mindset of, “I wonder if she wants to have sex…probably not…she always says no…but maybe this time…”
Unlocking her Desire
After you’ve spent a little time paying attention to her, helping her feel close to you by listening to her or sharing with her, begin kissing her neck and her ears. Look into her eyes with tenderness and tell her how beautiful she is. Kiss the tips of her fingers. You’re starting to engage her senses by igniting her erogenous zones. Breathe her in and tell her you adore her. Start shifting your attention to parts of her body, telling her how much you love her hands, her eyes, her breasts. Squeeze her butt and pull her hips into you. Spend time kissing for a while. You can gently, but assertively push her arms over her head and clasp her hands together as you kiss her mouth, her neck and bury your head in between her breasts. This engages a woman’s desire to be taken and to be submissive (not all women like this but many do). Take things very slowly and read her cues. Very likely she will let you know that she’s open to taking it further.
To Summarize How to Initiate Sex with Your Wife
1. Spend time emotionally connecting with her in the days ahead and especially before you want to have sex.
2. Make sure she feels special by you telling her she’s beautiful and paying attention to different parts of her body.
3. Gently move to being more assertive with her once she seems to be responding.