--Advice for Women--
Many couples struggle with how to initiate sex. Typically men complain that their female partners do not initiate sex enough. Many people just don't know how to do it effectively without getting rejected. And, there can be a lot of emotional weight to initiating sex. If your partner doesn't initiate, you can feel undesirable, frustrated, hurt and disappointed. If you want to initiate and get rejected, it's incredibly painful. It can be awkward and daunting. You might think, it didn't used to be this hard! And ultimately, if you get rejected enough, there is no way in you’ll want to keep trying.
So here are some suggestions for women on how to initiate sex:
Step One: Prime Yourself to Seduce
Before initiating, dress and be sexy. You are preparing to seduce so you must play the part. This takes confidence and priming your own arousal. This means you do things like put on a shorter skirt, put on your best lacy undergarments, spray on perfume if desired, flush your cheeks, and muss your hair a little. Of course you can be in your yoga pants too or your work clothes; if you’re confident and turned on, it often doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. Remember you being turned on will, in most cases, turn him on. Then imagine how you will approach him, how he’ll respond and what kind of lovemaking is about to ensue. Build your own anticipation and excitement. And, above all, be confident! Just know you’re going to get him bed!
Step Two: Get His Attention
Many women (and men) basically say something akin to:, “You wanna?” And yes, many times it’s that simple and does work. But it’s usually more effective (and more fun and intriguing!) to make the suggestion either playfully or using sensual touch and words. So, a woman can try the following, after she gets herself ready to go:
Sit close to your man (or straddle his lap) and run your fingers lightly up his thigh, nuzzle his neck and say, “Mmm…you smell good to me. “ Kiss his neck and nibble his ear. If for some reason you still haven’t gotten his attention (and really, if he’s watching the playoffs of his favorite sport, it just may not be a good time), say, “Hey you (with a confident, husky tone), I want you.” You can also say what you want him to do to you (i.e. I want your mouth all over me; I want to feel you inside me; I want you to make love to me). From there you can start unbuttoning his shirt or tug on his shirt to get him to stand up if you want to head to the bedroom. Then Grab his hand or just start running to engage his chase instinct! He would be a fool not to engage.
To summarize, here are the key elements how to initiate sex with your man:
1. Get yourself ready for sex by looking good and turning yourself on
2. Be confident with every word and every move
3. Be playful and sensual
If you take the risk to do all of what I suggested and it still doesn’t work, then there's something else going on with him! It may be as simple as he’s really tired or stressed out. And it could be something deeper. You may need help from an experienced professional marriage counselor to begin sorting it out.