How to stay close
part one of a three part series on How to stay close in a relationship
Want to know how to stay close in your relationship? There are three key strategies. This articles talks about the first strategy.
Strategy #1: Be Great
You cannot have a close relationship
with your spouse if you are not great friends. When I work with
couples on communication, for example, I often have to remind them to
listen to each other as if they were really good friends. Our
spouses, when we’re hurt and angry, often become the enemy. We
stop wanting to understand each other and end up battling for being
right and having our own needs met. Work on cultivating a great
- Regularly updating your
knowledge about each other – Good friends know details about
each other’s preferences. These may be things like their favorite
books or movies, names of coworkers who bug them, most scary,
embarrassing, or humorous moments, major childhood events, favorite
food/restaurants, etc. When we lose that
knowledge about each other, we stop seeing each other as separate
individuals with their own unique interests and points of view.
Recognizing and appreciating these differences are what keeps each
- Regularly playing together
– Couples who play together generally stay together. This is
because they’re constantly laughing or doing new and exciting
things together. Whether it is Salsa dancing or sky diving, get
out there and have a ball! Couples also build
on their shared values by going to church, volunteering or exercising
together. Couples do not need to share everything in common but
having one or two things they really love to do together builds deep
- Regularly expressing your
appreciation and admiration - Start speaking those loving
words to each other. In my experience, many people do not realize
how much their spouse really does admire and appreciate them. You
must on a daily basis express something. Send a text, write a
note or buy a silly card. Don’t overlook anniversaries and
birthdays! It’s such a great
opportunity to spoil your partner with flowers and little gifts (or
big ones!). Pat your lover’s butt as they walk by and say thanks
for loading the dishwasher. Be grateful and see the good in each
other. When you’re annoyed at a certain habit, remind
yourself of all the good things about your partner.
- Regularly Turning Toward Your
Partner - It’s important to recognize when your partner wants
to connect. Don't ignore your partner when s/he expresses feelings,
thoughts about their day or something they're observing.
Acknowledge their invitations to go places and respond to those
non-verbal gestures expressing a desire for affection.
Here's an Exercise To Try in How to Stay Close:
together about ways you each seek out connection with each other.
Tell each other what you really like about when they respond (turn
toward you). Also share what you appreciate/admire about each other
and talk about what you’d like to do for fun together.
Stay tuned for Part Two of the series How to Have a Close Relationship. Here's a hint-- It's about sex (among other things...)!
If you want even more information on communication and keeping your relationship close and happy, download my e-book for only 99 cents!