Are you struggling with a sexless marriage? While many marriages go through periods of low sex, couples are happiest when they are having regular sex or they both agree on the frequency and quality of sex.
Chances are, if you’re reading this article, you do not have a mutually satisfying and agreed upon sex life. So, what to do about that!?
Here are 5 steps to get the passion back!
Step number one: Find out what’s getting in the way
You must understand the reasons for what’s getting in the way of having frequent sex. Do one or both of you experience little to no desire for sex due to hormones imbalance? Exhaustion? Life stressors? Built up resentment from breeches of trust? Experienced repeated rejection and just given up? Have you lost some physical attraction toward your partner due to changes in physical appearance or an increase in substance use or instability in moods? There are many reasons for what gets in the way of wanting more frequent sex.
Step Number Two: Create a plan to handle what’s getting in the way
Well, if it’s not obvious, create a plan to deal with what’s in the way. If there’s life stressors in the way, handle those (but also see how sex can be a refuge from them). If it’s hormonal, medical or emotional, deal with it. If it’s a built up resentment, explore, forgive and let yourself heal if it’s something that can be healed from. Get help and get committed to resolving your sexless marriage sooner than later.
Step Number Three: Introduce novelty and be completely open
Your sex life was probably hot in the beginning because it was new. But, let me tell you, it can be even hotter when you really know each other’s bodies and aren’t afraid to be completely open and vulnerable with each other. So, do both. Do things with each other you’ve never done or that you haven’t done in a while. Have sex in a totally different place. Switch up who initiates and how it’s initiated. Go to an adult sex store and shop for something fun to wear or a new sex toy. Be open to expanding a part of yourself that maybe you’ve closed down or never explored.
Step Number Four: Expand what your idea of sex is
Sex doesn’t have to go a particular way. For example, it doesn’t always have to follow the script of a little bit of foreplay leading to intercourse, culminating in simultaneous orgasm. Sometimes only one of you may have an orgasm. You can have sex where neither of you has an orgasm. Sometimes it’s just oral sex. Sometimes it’s just fondling a little in the shower. Sexual interaction can happen in all kinds of ways and let’s face it, when we’re pressed for time, sometimes a quick interaction is all we have time for! But these kinds of interactions help maintain a physical connection and keep our relationships passionate.
Step Number Five: Practice behaviors that help you sustain an active/rewarding sex life
In addition to step number four, you also want to behave as if you’re having an affair with each other as much as possible. Flirt, tease, touch often. Make sex a priority by engaging in “sexy scheduling” which is adding a little fun to the usual “Sunday morning” or “Tuesday evening” sex routine by writing a dirty note or whispering something sexy in reference to a planned rendezvous. You can also plan sex vacations, take classes on sex such a Tantric sex workshop.
For more information, download this ebook on sexless marriages!