Perhaps Marvin Gaye was onto something when he wrote the song Sexual Healing. Can sex really heal a relationship? Yes, yes and oh God Yes! I've recently come across a book called Sex Comes First by Dr. Joel Block who prescribes various sexual activities to heal things such as anger, breeches in trust and not having enough time together. He's a couples therapist who has developed unique strategies to heal couples with relationship problems without them leaving the bedroom.
In my work with couples, I've suggested "sexual healing" many times. Typically men hold back a giggle and the urge to say "I told you so" and women, typically, are more skeptical. I hear so often that they need to feel close before "doing that!" And, I tell them, that perhaps the best way to feel close is to literally get up close and personal. For both people, sex can be an opportunity to share openly, be playful, relax, be romantic and express sensuality. It can open doors to deeper kind of intimacy that couples didn’t think was possible even after years of marriage.
Trouble communicating? Built up resentment and anger? Don’t trust each other? Use sex as a springboard for connection and a physical transformation of the issues. Then use the connection to talk through some of the struggles outside the bedroom. You will be more like to listen and respond to each other. You will experience more satisfaction and closeness.
Just try this experiment: Have sex several times a week regardless of whether you start out “feeling like it.” See what issues are still bothering you and what issues seem to melt away. Talk about one issue after a particularly good romp and see how you both handle it. Likely the results will surprise you.
No, sex isn’t everything in a relationship but it really can go a long way to healing deep rifts. Don’t wait until you heal the deep rifts to deepen your sexual connection. Many couples make the mistake of tackling their sex life once they deal with the other issues. Tackle the sex and you’ll end up tackling the other problems at the same time! It seems like a pretty good deal to me.
Take this quiz about your sex life!