Teach Each Other How to Love

I'm reading a book right now that introduced a profound concept to me in a way I hadn't quite thought of before. It is that when couples grow together over time, they teach each other how to love. The book is called, Love in 90 Days by Dr. Diana Kirschner. It's a book for women that teaches them how to date and find love (in 90 days!). It's a wonderful book on dating, but there's a part in there where she describes what happy couples do. I had never heard it put this way but she talks about how couples help each other become their higher selves and become each other's "love mentors" - in effect they each each other how to love.

This struck me as profound because I hadn't quite thought of my husband as my "love mentor" before, teaching me how to love. But, he does - every day. There's times when I lapse into dysfunctional ways of being, probably based on ways I grew up and what I saw in my own parent's marriage. I tend to withdraw and write my husband off. I don't give him the opportunity to address a concern of mine; I just "do it myself."

And when I do this, he reminds me to talk to him. It's funny because doing the work I do, I think I'm this great communicator. And, I really am much of the time. But when I'm really hurting, the truth is...I'm not so great.

He teaches me to not only talk but to dig deeper, to demand more of myself and to demand more of us. He teaches me how to work in partnership with him; not do things for him, to him or in spite of him. And...no, he's far from perfect. I'd like to think I teach him too. But that's the cool thing. It's been the greatest joy in sticking this marriage out for as long as we have--the joy of learning and teaching each other.

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