Tuning In, Instead of Out
I've been noticing these last few days how much I'm tuning my husband out. It's not because I'm mad at him or feeling particularly disconnected. My mind just feels busy. There's too many things to get done and sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I've noticed in the back of my mind, how much he's just wanting to talk to me these last few days. He is wanting to share, tell me stories from his day or about some article he's read...and I'm barely listening. Because I love him, I keep going home with the intention to just listen...to just be present. And then my monkey mind takes over again...Need to clean the kitchen...What are we going to do about fixing the gutters?...What gift am I going to get for the wedding this weekend...? Tasks, tasks, tasks. We household managers always have a running list in our heads.
I wonder two things. Do I need to ask for more help? Or do I just need to shut down the monkey brain for a few minutes a day and just focus? It's probably both. I wonder about the costs of not paying attention to our partners in those small ways. Does it, unknowingly, lead to an argument the following week because the connection starts to loosen ever so slightly? Probably so.
And so, yet again today I go home with the intention of just taking 20 minutes of focused time to really listen - to engage with him about his day, to share about mine, to ask questions, to laugh, to wonder and ponder... I know it fills us both up and then we can go about our evenings together or separately. Yes! That's what I will do, dear readers! I make this promise to all of you. I, the model wife and marriage therapist, plan to go home and listen to my husband!
Of course, I DO need to get those flowers planted before they die in their temporary pots...and then there's the laundry we never go to...And what are we going to have for dinner?
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