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Coping with Loss: Getting through Life's Hard Times
May 14, 2013

Well, it appears that summer might be fast approaching after what seems like a really long winter. I hope this letter finds you well.

In this issue, I explore ways to cope with loss of any kind, the loss of a job, a marriage, a loved one, even our own sense of stability. Having faced my own version of loss recently, I got up close and personal with what really works to help move through the hard times.

I am also announcing a whole new set of couples classes starting Saturday mornings June 22nd held each month from 9a.m. to 1p.m.

And!! Guess who has a new little e-book on Amazon? It's called, "Honey Let's Talk: A Couple's Guide to Improving Communication." I write about it in this issue's Book Recommendation!

Happy reading...

Tools & Tips: Coping with Loss of Any Kind

If you live long enough, at some point we all have to cope with some kind of loss. It might be loss of a marriage, a job, a love, our sense of stability. It might be the loss of life of someone dear or perhaps the loss of your own limb (I’m mindful so often recently of those Boston marathoners…). Each kind of loss has its unique path and yet loss is all the same too. It just hurts. You know, it’s that “can’t-eat-or-sleep-or-focus” kind of pain. It’s no wonder we call it “loss” because we just feel lost during those times. In the middle of it, it seems we will never recover. Never feel joy again. Life as we know it is gone. The future we thought we were going to have, vanished. We hold onto some hope that “things will get better with time.” But sometimes being reminded of a future of “feeling better” only magnifies the current loss even more. “I don’t want to feel better. I want him/her/it back!”

Having experienced loss recently, I’ve needed the following coping strategies to feel a sense of equilibrium once again. In combination, over time, they really do ease the pain.

1. Reach out to your support network—your friends, family, coworkers, Facebook community, church community, therapist/mentor/clergy, a sacred place- whatever and wherever as long as it’s supportive. Ask them to pray for you or keep you in their thoughts. Ask them to do things with you. Show up on their doorstep. Cry on their shoulder. If it’s a sacred place, let the healing powers wrap around you. During the good times, cultivate your network of support. Show love and gratitude and create time for the people in your life. Sooner or later you’ll need them.

2. Let yourself ride the waves of all the feelings and just be in it, whatever “it” is. Anger. Despair. Confusion. Numbness. Terror. Aimlessness. Bitterness. Hopeful. Grateful. There’s no use resisting the feelings. And having said that, like I said, ride the wave—don’t let yourself drown in any one particular feeling. Feel the nuances of loss fully and then let yourself move on to whatever feeling or state of being comes next. Even it’s well…nothing. Emptiness is part of it too. We have to trust that something will come next and whatever comes is what’s supposed to be. If you feel joy for a while, let yourself be joyful. When you get dropped back into mind numbing grief, well, it’s time to grieve again. It just is. And, eventually, if you ride long enough, you start to feel a sense that you can cope with the next wave.

3. Practice gratitude often and with wild abandon. Feel it. Express it to everyone and everything. Pray to God. Thank your lucky stars. Notice the small and big ways human beings take care of each other. Focus on the good in life and all the ways your life could be so much worse. For most of us, it really could be so much worse. During the worst of my despair, gratitude was the only thing that helped get me moving again.

4. Cultivate an overarching philosophy about life that helps guide you and find your sense of purpose. It’s this philosophy that helps you move from being lost to found again. It is often your faith in God or something bigger than yourself. But it could also be guiding principle that helps you put things into context. For me, in addition to my faith in the awesome power of God and the Universe, I believe in embracing and loving my life exactly as it is. This doesn’t mean I don’t work to change the things I want to be different. But, my suffering comes when I hate the circumstances of my life more than I love and accept all that is good and all that isn’t good about my life. When I can accept and love all that comes, I feel a deep sense of peace.

Couples Classes for 2013!

Announcing the next series of Couples Classes! I'm offering them Saturday mornings, 9a.m. to 1p.m. $90 per couple. There's a different topic each month. Check it out!

Stop Arguing and Start Communicating!

Are you tired of arguing all the time? Do you feel like your partner never listens to or understands you? Are you sick of having the same discussion over and over and feeling like it never gets resolved? Take this class for couples on effective communication. June 22, 2013 or September 21, 2013

Click Here to Register and Find out More Information!

"Doing It" After the "I Do": How to Have a Hot Sex Life!

Whether couples have been together for a while or are just starting out, most want to know how to keep up the passion and romance. This class is designed to teach you how to jump start a dead or boring sex life and create passion and romance for a life time. July 27th or October 19th

Click Here to Register and Find out More Information!

Stay Close! Building & Keeping Friendship and Intimacy
Feeling disconnected? Perhaps resentment is getting in your way or there's too much stress. Over time couples can lose their closeness and this is dangerous for the long term overall health of the relationship. Learn how to let go of resentment and deepen your intimacy, friendship and connection.

Click Here to Register and Find Out More Information!

Book Recommendation: Honey Let's Talk: A Couple's Guide to Improving Communication

I've just released a new little e-book called, Honey, Let's Talk: A Couple's Guide to Improving Communication.

I wrote this book to help couples both understand what's really causing their communication to break down and to give them more concrete tools so that talking through problems doesn't have to be so dang hard! In this book, you will learn:

* How your point of view about yourself and your partner affects communication

* Behaviors that kill effective communication

* Seven habits of good communication

* What to do when you’re really upset

* Guidelines to resolving problems

Get this book today on Amazon for only $2.99. Oh, and if you feel so inclined, please write a brief review for me on Amazon!

Want Even more Advice on Relationships?

Subscribe to my blog and read at your leisure. Topics range from date night, to what to do with anger during arguments and how to keep relationships close.

There's lots to read these days and certainly not enough time to read it all. Tuck this blog away for those times when you really need to read something to get perspective on your relationship.

Click here to read my latest blog entry

Also, I'm offering free articles to those who request them. I have just released a brand new article called, "From Roommates to Playmates: How to Get Back Sexual Intimacy." Other articles available are: "Seven Habits of Good Communication" "Building & Keeping a close Relationship." and "Affair-Proofing Your Marriage." Click on the following link to get your free articles!

Request for Reviews on Yelp and Google+

I need your help! These days, business marketing efforts not only include having a presence with social media (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc), it also includes having your business listed with positive reviews on the major search engines and directories. I am requesting, if you feel so inclined, for you to take the time to write a brief, thoughtful review on either of the following sites:


If you have a Google+ account, you can look on your side bar, click on “More” and find “Local.” On the local page, you can search for Reinventing Relationships. From there you can rate me/my business and write a review. If you like, you can just give it a “star” rating and leave it at that. This will help with my ranking on google searches. Reinventing Relationships Google+ Page


I also have a listing on Yelp. To write a review, you have to create an account if you don’t’ have one already. It’s easy to create. On Yelp, it’s possible to write a review more anonymously. For your first name, if you like, you can just put initials or create a false name. To review, Reinventing Relationships on Yelp.

You can also “Like” my Facebook page, become a fan or just click “like” or “share” various articles on my website or blog.

Your time and thoughtfulness is much appreciated!!

Thank you for sharing this journey in life and love with me.


Karen Holland, LMFT 4155 E. Jewell Avenue, Ste 703 Denver, CO 80222 (720) 432-4409/office & fax

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