Fighting About Money

Are you fighting about money? Why is it that when it comes to money, some couples can get a little crazy when they talk about it? On good days, we listen, we validate, we calmly talk about the issues and problem solve.

On bad days the conversation can end with something like, "You're crazy!" "No, you're crazy!" Mmmm...productive.

Money, for most of us, becomes tied to our survival and we have strong values and opinions about it. I remember a common theme in my household growing up was my parents arguing about whether money should be spent or saved. It boils down to the competing philosophies of "saving for a rainy day" vs. "life is meant to be lived now!"

It's been said that when there are two strong differing values about money, that couples begin fighting about money and marriages often fail because of it. But, if you look at the two basic philosophies- spending vs. saving -- couldn't it be the perfect balance? I know, I know, it rarely is. But that's often because a) we don't know how to talk about money and b) we don't know how to work as a team.

Good marriages value all its members. Both opinions count though certainly some opinions and behaviors aren't realistic or healthy (e.g. gambling addiction, money hoarding or complete lack of sharing).

Finding the balance when it comes to money is a delicate but achievable thing. It takes patience, commitment, reality checks and sharing goals and dreams. For example, do you really need that big screen TV or new skirt? Maybe, maybe not. Do you really need to save every dime for retirement at the expense of not taking a vacation with the one you love? Maybe, maybe not.

This is the question you both must ask. Who are we and what are we really trying to do in this lifetime? does money help us get there?

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