How to Stay close
How to Be Great Lovers!
How to Stay Close Part Two of Three Part series
This is How to Stay Close Part Two. In addition to being great friends, we need to be great lovers too! If you missed part one of the series, click here.
Couples aren’t just friends; they’re
lovers too. And yet, many couples find themselves in low sex or no
sex relationships after several years. There’s little passion,
kissing, hugs or even holding hands. Some couples don’t even sit
on the couch and watch television together. Sometimes I hear from
people that “Sex isn’t that important” or “We just don’t
have the time or money to go on dates!”
It’s my belief after many years of
working with couples, that sex, affection and romance are probably
the most important elements in creating a lasting and satisfying
relationship for both him and her. Women, typically, want more
romance and dates. Men, may want that too, but also just want more
sex period. Follow these steps and you can meet both needs.
How to Stay Close Part Two- Three Keys to Being Great Lovers!
- Set up weekly dates of at least
2 hours in length. Yes. I said weekly. I can imagine the
shaking heads and eyes widening. “But we work 60 hours a week!”
or “But we have 3 children under 5!!” I didn’t say you had to
leave the house. Though, that’s certainly better. Unless you have
a newborn (6 months or less) or one of you is going through
significant health challenges, you can do this. A date can be after
the kids go to bed where you pour a glass of wine and play a game of
scrabble together. A date can be sitting in the tub together with
nice music and candle light until your skin wrinkles (or one the
kids wants a glass of water). A date can be going to the local
coffee shop and sharing newspaper articles with each other. The
point is focused time on each other. Be sure to touch a lot and look
into each other’s eyes during these dates! Do not have grand
expectations of long dinners and movies or nightclub dancing when
it’s just not practical. But, when you can utilize a great baby
sitter and/or the work load lightens, do regularly (ideally monthly)
set up those great nights out too.
- Flirt, flirt, flirt! –
Couples who have been together for a while very often stop flirting
with each other. They stop sending dirty texts or nuzzling ears or
making references to how hot the other is. One way to get this
going again is to pretend you’re having an ongoing affair with
your spouse (Kirschner, 2011).Imagine what you would do if
you were having an affair! There would be nooners and sexy messages
and sexy clothes and sexy perfume! You would touch each other more
and you would laugh at all the jokes and you would do things you’d
never imagine doing with your “spouse.” I promise you. This is
so much fun! Women, try sending a hot text to your man, referring
to how much you want him or to what degree naked you are right at
that moment. Men, hug her from behind, whisper into her ear how
beautiful she is and how crazy she makes you.
How to Stay Close Part Two (continued)...
- Schedule sex. Couples
always groan when I say this. But sheesh! We have busy lives and we
schedule everything else. Why not sex? If you don’t, it won’t
happen. And, there’s room for spontaneity too. When you’re hot
in the bedroom and you’re spending time outside the bedroom
together being great friends, you’re more likely to have surprise
sex at three in the afternoon on a Wednesday. But, overall, you’ve
got to schedule it. So, I propose “sexy scheduling.” It’s so
much more fun to schedule sex, if you say it like this: “Friday
night, I’m going to [insert x-rated deed here]…” Or, what fun
it would be for your partner to get an invitation on his/her Google
calendar that reads: “Susan invites you to lick her toes and other
parts on Saturday at 8 p.m. Do you accept?” Scheduling doesn’t
seem so bad now, does it?
Go from reading How to Stay Close Part Two to read the article on How to Be Great Friends!
Stay Tuned for a third part of the series, called How to Be Great Givers, following this How to Stay Close Part Two!
If you want even more information on how to stay close, click here to check out an e-book called the Thirty Day Relationship Turnaround!